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What am I doing with my life?????

Mopey

"Right now i feel guilty to be alive. Why? Because I'm wasting it. I've been given this life and all I do is mope it away."

Why do I feel this way? I can never stop myself from thinking too much.
Ending this train of thought before I start sounding all too cliche. Having known how it feels like to get (what I feel is) the best, I can no longer settle for all this normalcy and.. average-ness.
Need to stop benchmarking and comparing everything because it gets so tiring. Unhappiness and unfulfilment are such energy-draining emotions. So is the sort of regret you totally deserve because of your own lack of effort. And the feeling of not being good enough. Slowly but surely all these add on to the emptiness you feel at night. Thoughts about nothing, thoughts about everything.
 
"Perspective. Then I started thinking about the downside to perspective. Perspective basically guarantees that there's no such thing as a pure emotion. Every emotion is based on how sucky (or not) something is in relation to something else that has already happened." - Sloppy Firsts by Megan McCafferty

I ought to stop taking things for granted, especially the people who bring about the times where I truly truly feel happy and content. Store these magical feelings in a little bottle, for future use in times of need.  

Departed

Today I realised that I can't even remember how you look like anymore.. You are the black hole in my universe.

Ache

It feels quite like a heartbreak.
So many questions, so much nostalgia.
The rest of this emptiness filled up with everything that has been left unsaid.

I want to be a different person so badly.

First

I'M GOING TO WORK SO HARD.

That's what i tell myself after getting back my results year after year.
But this year it's different because i really have to make it happen.